Learning to Love Yourself

Do you really love yourself? Do you put yourself first? I didn’t, until I really started to focus on who I wanted to be and what I wanted in my life. They say you need to love yourself before you can love another person.

But what does that mean and how do you get there? Love is an abstract thing and can take many forms and serve different purposes in life. As life’s journey continues to unfold, cultivating and creating a new relationship with yourself will help you find and experience Love in new ways – starting with you and loving yourself. See, it’s an inside job and only you can unlock the love that is within.

What does it mean to create a new relationship with yourself? 

It’s diving into a commitment, just as you would a partner, but with YOURSELF, so you can cultivate a space in your heart to truly be able to experience and offer unconditional love. This isn’t something that just happens over night. It’s an ongoing process that takes deep inner work, patience and compassion.

We all want love and to be loved. But no one tells you that the love you seek from another is the love you need to give to yourself. Every time I’ve felt unlovable, I remind myself that I am the one who needs to love myself first. This feeling comes from a lack of self worth and low self esteem. It’s the recipe to creating some serious codependent and toxic behaviors and relationships. And that behaviour bleeds into all relationships: with lovers, family, friends and even work.

Here’s the thing – MOST of us are codependent. And the good news is, it is totally a behavior you can rewire and change.

The more you do to cultivate a body, mind and heart connection, the faster things will shift for you. But it takes time. Self love is a lifelong journey. 

The relationship you have with yourself is the longest relationship you will ever have. 

So take time to learn yourself, to love yourself and to be with yourself. At the end of the day, it’s just you who has to live with your thoughts. It’s you who has to live with your choices and your actions.

What can you do to begin inviting in this new relationship to self?

As you begin to invite and create a new relationship with yourself, you will begin to rewire old beliefs and old ways of being that you no longer need. By changing up your daily inner dialogue, and doing new things (creating new experiences for yourself), you will begin to create new neural pathways and networks – leading you to have a healthier mind. 

I want to reiterate that this process takes time, commitment, grace and compassion for self. Like anything new, it requires daily work to get good at. Remember: Practice makes progress. 

When I work with my mentees, the first thing I have them do is set up a Zen Den and begin a morning or daily practice. (Learn more about my mentorship program by clicking here: luciana@nulovecommunity.com ) 

To begin building self love, you have to begin to build a connection with yourself. Taking time each day to be with yourself and set yourself up for success. Creating space and time for you to cultivate this connection is key. 

For example, by creating a Zen Den (See “Making Your Home a Zen Den” for more info) in your home, you provide yourself with a space that is yours and only yours to rest, reset, read, explore, meditate, build a daily practice – do anything you need to, and have it be a place for your time for you!

The Tools

LOVE NOTES

Why do we only write other people love notes and not ourselves? Love notes are a fun way to infuse your space and your life with more LOVE!

Practice: Place sticky notes/ handwritten messages all around your home in places you know you will see everyday. (Like your washroom mirror or the fridge)  
These love notes will remind you just how loved and badass you are. It could simply say “I got this” or “I am love”, “I am pure potential”.  

This is a fun, simple method that is very effective at adding more love into your life. 

REFLECTION

Creating time to reflect allows you to get to know yourself and the emotions and experiences you’re having day to day. Journaling is an amazing way to start or end your day.

Practice: Write five things you love about yourself every day, and WHY!
Try it for a week, or as long as you are willing to continue for, and notice how you feel when you’ve completed at least one week of this practice. 

These things sound simple, but in practice can be really challenging. Especially if you don’t like the idea of writing nice things about yourself. Acknowledging that this is difficult for you (if it is), is the first step. You may need to spend some time sitting with the feeling of discomfort it brings up. 

Remember, it’s okay to feel pain, it’s okay to feel low, but at the end of the day – you are a beautiful human so worthy to begin again, worthy to grow, worthy of love. 

SELF LOVE PRACTICE

Breathe in: I am 
Breathe out: Love

Now close your eyes and repeat this three times. (x3)
Open your eyes. Take a deep breath in to the nose and out of the mouth.

*
Interested in living a life more full of love, more connected to yourself? Schedule a clarity call with me (Luciana) to learn more about our programs and offerings.

With Love,

Luciana Santaguida